Jesus

I'm in that place where I can't pray. I try, but I just can't. All I can do is say the name "Jesus." It comes out in moans. It comes through tears. It comes in whispers that only I can hear. It comes with begging and pleading. Emotions too raw to name are attached to His name.

If you've never been in this place, I pray you never will be. If you have, then you know how much it hurts. This is one of those times where you need those prayer warriors in your life. You need others to cover you because you can't muster the words yourself.

There is a verse in the new testament that says "when we don't know what to pray for, the Spirit intercedes with groans that words cannot express."I'm so very thankful for this verse. Whoever wrote that verse was clearly in that place of muttering the name of Jesus over and over again on their knees. I'm so thankful for the Spirit inside of me. I'm so thankful for a God that can read my heart and understand every feeling, even when I can't express them, and don't understand them.

For months I have been begging God for deliverance. Asking him to intervene, to change our circumstances, to rescue us, to restore us. I have been asking earnestly for Him to show me what we are doing wrong. Search my heart! Tell me what we are doing that is preventing a swift deliverance? What is preventing your blessing. We have tried to do God's will. We have tried and tried. Now it's beyond just "tried." We have persevered with God's will. And still nothing.

Big. Fat. Silence.

Where are you God? Why have you turned away from us? Why have you hidden your face from us? Why have you allowed Satan to have us? Please, we are begging you, HEAR OUR PRAYERS!

And then, I got a call from my Nana. One of the most Godly women in my life. She told me this beautiful story. A miracle of God. She told me that when she heard about this miracle, she told her friend "isn't that so wonderful that God heard our prayers?" And then her friend responds, "God ALWAYS hears our prayers, He just doesn't always act in the way we ask Him to."

Wow. How true is that? God always hears our prayers. Always. He is hearing every prayer I am crying. Even the ones that my Spirit is crying because I can't even speak them myself. I don't know why He isn't acting. I probably will never know. But I know He hears. I know He cares. I know my deliverance is coming. Because I know who my God is.